Alright, last post of the night, hopefully. I’m going to try and force myself to wind down and listen to some relaxing music. I need to wake up semi-early, and the later I stay up, the more I’ll kick myself for it tomorrow. 

I apologize a lot. Probably too much. Well, definitely too much. I apologize where apologies are necessary, but I also do so in situations that do not warrant it. Like, if someone tells me something unfortunate about their lives. I don’t really know what to say to them, besides, “I’m sorry.” I’m not telling them that I somehow perceive it to be my fault. I’m saying that I’m sorry about the unfortunate circumstances they find themselves in. People frequently tell me to stop apologizing so much. But I mean, most of the time, I really am sorry, in some way. The only exceptions are if I say it to a rude customer (I’m just trying to shut them up and make them go away) or if I’m talking to someone I don’t like, which isn’t very usual, because there aren’t very many people that I honestly dislike. But anyway. I say sorry so much because I really despise the idea of someone disliking me. For any reason. If I think something I’ve said or did has somehow offended/inconvenienced someone, I will apologize for it, because I am sorry for doing so, and I don’t want them to remember my act of accidental rudeness (or whatever I did) and hold it against me. “Ugh, remember that time Katie butt in line in front of me? Yeah, me too. What a dick.” Which is a bad example because I don’t ever butt in line, but oh well. I can’t think of a better one.  

I’m going to be promoted to manager at work soon, and my friend has told me a few times that my habit of apologizing will come in handy for this. She’s right though; as manager, I’ll have to deal with irrationally angry customers bitching about the dumbest things. I’ll have to remind myself that they are stupid and incorrect and petty, because if I pay too much attention to them, I might cry, and I would really really hate to cry in front of customers. Especially if they’re being rude to me on purpose. I’ll just apologize again and again, until they calm down and meander back to their tables. I’m good at apologizing, and this, if anything, gives me enormous hope that I won’t fail miserably at being a leader figure.